Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
