hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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