When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
