Plan B is the new Plan A
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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