I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
