Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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