No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
