There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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