you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
