Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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