If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
