He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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