can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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