I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
