thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
