Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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