I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That accounts for only three of the penises
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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