you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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