I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
