I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
