I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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