Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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