Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
