WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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