WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
