i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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