I can tuck mytits in my pants
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
