i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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