I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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