how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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