dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
