the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
