if you like me you must not know who I am
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
