everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
