I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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