So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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