I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
