Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
FUCK WHALES
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