he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
