You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
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hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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