my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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