I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
