I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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