And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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