My hand turned me down
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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