remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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