Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
