Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
