I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
