i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just found puke in my bra..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
