you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
