We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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