Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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