she woke up with a sticky ear
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
