At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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