I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
how drunk are you?
Several
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
