I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
