shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We're too hungover to prance.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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