where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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