lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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