i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
